Thursday, February 28, 2013

Attention: Lost All Hope In All Humans

My Peoples,
Can we talk for a minute? I know this is my second post, but we are family right? Please, take a seat on this couch next to me. I have some concerning issues about you folks. I just can't and I won't deal with it inside and I need to express myself.

As anyone knows on campus, people think that I'm funny looking for some reason. I think it's because I point out foolish things to people. Like why does Lil Kim look like Miss Kim, the lady who does my dry cleaning (Shout out to the dry cleaners next to Giant)? Or very open to questioning how much Cash Money women  to sleep with Lil Wayne? I want to know these things, and I'm pretty sure you do too.

As a human I was disappointed by some of the answers that I heard about human rights. Rights as a human that we all have. I wasn't expecting some of the answers that I got when I asked, "You wanna know about human rights?" Some Tom Fool said "No, not today." Luckily I was born with a wit that would make a gay man comedian turn their heads. I proceeded to say "What about tomorrow?" This person whom I was talking to gave me the stank-eye. Then to get people to come to our table to at least talk I said:

Are you about to eat lunch? Well, unfortunately most people in the world can't afford food. And you can learn about it at Amnesty International at Millersville University

Some people just walked away as I just didn't insult them and guilt them for eating lunch. I can't and I wont do it any longer. 

Amnesty International at Millersville University is a human rights organization on campus. We meet on Tuesday nights at 9 pm in McComsey 201. Follow me on twitter @dan19310 and Comment Below. 

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Top Four Things I Hate: Things that Make Me Bring Out My Inner Ike Turner

Note to future people I meet, this post is for you. Especially those who think we are going to be close friends. I'm going to need you to keep a list of the top four things that I hate. These things are subject to change  because people do some foolish things:

1. Snakes
I'm going to say this much: SNAKES ARE ASSHOLES  MEAN. That is all.

2. Camping
If its one thing that I hate about the outdoors, next to snakes, it's camping. We have made technological advances to rent cabins and hotels and camping, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. Whenever a friend utters the word "camping" I put my bougie card up real high and say "I hope you mean a suite at the Marriott in the woods." It's not there is anything bad about camping. For me, it's a HELL. TO. THE. NOPE.

3. Road Trips

With camping, road trips make me want to pull over and have Ezekiel take the wheel that he saw. I don't like road trips for two reasons. When a friend says "road trip to..." I put up my bougie card and say "Are flights cheaper?" I don't like flying because of two reasons. First, the people. If I had to make a list of who I hated it would be everyone about five people. And those five people have personalities that I just don't like. Secondly, like camping, we've made technological advances to so we can fly in planes. I don't like seeing the world around me when I drive 14-75 hours. I can see it through a tiny window when I'm in a plane for 2 to 5 hours.

4. Misused Words and Phrases
One thing I cannot stand is when a person misuse a word. And here is the kicker: They get mad at me because I correct them! I understand no one wants to be corrected, but you went throughout life using the wrong word it brings out my inner Waka Flaka Flame  Lil John and say "WHAAAAAT" follow by my Chronic Bitch Face -___-.  People "Irregardless" doesn't mean a DAMN thing. To "regard means that you can go either way.  And the misuse of "Irony" makes my inner Sassy Black Man come out saying "Thing of your life, think of your choices."  Stop using irony both the coincidental and something that isn't funny.  An example of irony: If it rained on your wedding day and you were marrying a weatherman who predicted that this day would be a sunny one. Not "It's like rain on your wedding day." Yes, Alanis, I'm talking to you, biotch.

Please, comment on the bottom close friends if I missed something of importance. Also, follow me on twitter @dan19310.